||||||||| The Nightmare Catcher

The Moon Cares

2011-11-05T00:07:00.000-07:00

"Look at the moon."

Doug's nose is pressed up against the window glass. June is standing next to him, drawing sketches on a receipt.

"It looks just like someone is shining a flash light down from the sky."

"I don't care about the moon." Cathrin turns off the kitchen light. "When you guys are done watching it, close the window. I got eaten alive by mosquitoes last night."

"The moon cares about you, Cath." June wags her pencil reproachfully. "Think about that."

"No, it doesn't. It's in space. It can't care about anything."

"The moon isn't you" Doug turns around to look at Cathrin. "You shouldn't project your own apathy onto it."

"She's speechless." June smirks.

"Kind of" says Doug "like the moon."

Your Personal Subconscious

2011-11-02T13:54:00.000-07:00

"I had this dream last night." June is looking at Cathrin from behind her coffee cup, waiting patiently for a response. "Are you interested?"
"Hm?"
"Would you like to hear my dream?"
"Hmm..."
"Cathrin, stop reading for a second."

"What is it?" Cath looks up for the first time in a long time and she does not look happy.
"I dreamed that someone gave me a foot rest-" June stops talking and waits for Cath to look back up. "You're still reading."
"I'm in the middle of an informative article. If I stop reading now I'll forget everything and have to start over again."
Annoyed newspaper rustling.
Cath's head disappears behind black and white wispy pages announcing terror, horror, death, and grandmother's original recipes for pie.

"So I got this foot rest." June takes a sip of coffee. Waits a moment. Cathrin's head pops out for a second, annoyed and curious and very short fused. "And I'm upset for the whole dream because I can't get my hands on the matching armchair. Turns out a man impersonating a dog impersonating a man has it and, I don't know why, he keeps lugging it around with him following me."
"Is there a point to this story?" Cathrin frowns.
"Yes. He's mocking me. For the entire dream!"
"I mean, is it absolutely vital that I hear this story? Must I listen to the nonsensical ramblings of your personal subconscious?" Cathrin looks at her article. "I just lost my place! You did it!"

"None of that matters." June grabs the paper. "This morning, I woke up, and guess what was next to my bed?"
"A foot rest."
"No!" June triumphantly hops off her chair and skips over to the kitchen door. "A dude in a dog costume!"
"Please say you're joking." Cathrin leans back in her chair, counting down from ten in her head and breathing very deeply and slowly.
"Meet Doug!"
"Hi there."

With a little bit of resistance from Doug's side June manages to pull him from the hallway into the kitchen. He looks extremely uncomfortable. Cathrin looks extremely mad.
"He's staying here."
"He definitely is not."
"Cath, come on." June pinches Doug's cheek. "Isn't he a cutiepatootie?"
"I don't know what that is." Cathrin shakes Doug's hand and simultaneously pushes him backwards out of the kitchen. "Nice to meet you, Doug. June, I'm not supporting another one of your crazy projects."
"He's a person! He just appeared out of thin air in my room!"
"Naturally. That's how everyone enters our apartment." Cathrin opens the front door. "By teleportation." She chuckles. "Classic."

"I really should go." Doug straightens out his fur and apologetically waves with one hand. "Not sure how I even got here."
"A dog with black outs!" Cathrin throws up her arms. "See what you're trying to drag into our home?"
"You are so choosy." June grabs Doug, who is trying to sneak away down the staircase, by his tail. "We needed a new roommate, and here he is! All your problems are solved."
"I have a feeling all my problems just started." Cath sighs and walks back into the apartment. "Fine, he can stay. But he's paying rent. And you're not using my Credit Card anymore. And I'm not taking him on any walks."

Love Yourself

2011-10-31T10:58:00.000-07:00

"I love you, June.

Oh, how sweet. I love you too, June.

Lookin' good today.

Thanks June, you too. I like that shirt."

"June, what on Earth is going on?"

"Don't be so rude, Cath. I'm talking here."

"To yourself!"

"I don't see a problem with that. Do you, June?

Not at all June, keep it up."

"You sound like a crazy person."

"When crazy people talk to themselves they don't answer their own questions, they just act like an invisible person is saying things back to them. The sheer fact that I am having a two sided conversation with myself points to my sanity."

"I'm sure it does."

"Don't listen to her June, you're wonderful."

"Stop doing that."

"Cath, to be loved you ought to first love yourself. I'm just making sure I feel loved.

You're so clever, June."

"How effective can a compliment be when it's coming from yourself?"

"Very. I hardly ever give compliments, so it means a lot to me to receive a compliment from me. I know I'm hard to please."

"Fine, but you're driving me crazy. Nothing about that makes sense."

"Makes perfect sense to me. The logic follows through, everything ties up neatly, and the results speak for themselves. June thinks so too."

"OK, one June is enough. I don't need two of you lounging around all day, wisecracking and using my credit card to buy patio furniture. We don't even have a patio."

"That was just once. Well, twice. It was necessary.

You made a judgment call. I would've done the same thing.

Right? Glad someone around here finally agrees with me."

"I need to get out of here, I am actually so allergic to you that I'm developing a rash."

"Stop scratching, that makes it worse. I read that in a magazine."

"I think all of your compliments have gone to your head."

Denial

2011-10-29T10:07:00.001-07:00

"I'm not judgmental, you freaks."

The Big Very Loud Plop Theory

2011-10-27T16:42:00.000-07:00

"Suppose we weren't created with a Big Bang but rather a very loud Plop."

"You can't lead the creation of the entire universe back to the sound a water bottle makes when you open it."

"I was thinking more like those glass milk bottles with the aluminum lid that plops up when you twist it."

"June, science has spent countless years coming up with the Big Bang Theory."

"So, it's a theory?"

"Everything we know about what happened that long ago is just a theory. It's not like we had Polaroid back then."

"Or existed, for that matter."

"Right, so leave it to science. They're working out the kinks."

"Scientists are all crooks and charlatans. I never rely on word of mouth, especially not after millions of years have gone by and everyone who was around back then is dead."

"There was no one around back then, it was just a big hot, dense mess."

"See, how do you know that? How do we know anything?"

"They've studied the Earth.."

"Well, yes, they have. But you haven't. I haven't. Are we just going to rely on everything everyone tells us?"

"Yes! That's how the world works."

"My world certainly doesn't work like that. I'll believe in the Big, Very Loud Plop Theory from now on, thank you."

"You can believe anything you want, but that doesn't make it true."

"What if I found an expert in the field of universal creation to back up my claim? And what if I start printing and distributing my own science books?"

"To spread the Big Plop Theory?"

"I'll get the President and France's prime minister on the phone right now. We're just one generous donation away from changing the history of the universe."

"Why do you need the prime minister of France for that?"

"I hear he has some very good input."

"June, history is being rewritten and revised every day, do you want to be another contributor to the disinformation of humanity?"

"You call it disinformation. I call it expansion of your mind's viewpoint."

"I don't know why I get into these discussions with you. They never lead anywhere."

"Screw the winners, let the losers write history! They'll likely have more interesting things to report anyway."

It's Poetry You Dimwit

2011-10-26T13:19:00.000-07:00

"Oh! Woe he who has nothing but the scant clothes on his back. Woe be for the man whose foot leaves not even a track. And not a shadow round to follow him - not even in his lap. Oh, woe the man whose tree grows tall but not a drop of sap."

"Sap is right."

"It's poetry, you dimwit."

"It didn't really make sense. Also, I think it was partially grammatically incorrect. I'd have to look it up, but I'm pretty sure you can't use the word 'woe' like that."

"What, three times in a row? Is it a Bloody Mary thing?"

"Now that I think about it, you kind of sounded like a pirate."

"Who cares. Poetry is free from all your illusory constrictions!""

"I didn't like it."

"Well, no one asked your opinion."

"I am a very opinionated person. If you choose to spontaneously recite random poetry around me, I will have an opinion. And you will hear it."

"Man, I just forgot it. I knew that would happen."

People Should Get a Sense of Humor

2011-10-25T18:43:00.000-07:00

It's early morning, dark and foggy and crisp, just cold enough to get the tip of your nose freezing but nothing justifying a pair of gloves yet.
The heater is, of course, broken, and just because the household items like to support each other in whatever is going on, the coffee maker, toaster oven, and electric umbrella stand also refuse to work properly.

"It just burned me twice in a row!" As proof, June holds up a blistered finger.
"It's a toaster oven, it's going to get hot. That doesn't mean it's possessed." Cathrin puts a couple of slices of bread in the oven and turns it on. "I'm going to take an incredible risk here and toast my bread."
"Go ahead, I warned you. It's all I can do." June finishes bandaging her hand back up and takes a sip of her tea. "I've always wondered why we need an electric umbrella stand. A normal one would do just fine."

"Oh." There is a genuine look of surprise on Cathrin's face. "You didn't make coffee?"
"Try it. I dare you." June grimly stirs the spoon around in her cup and begins flipping newspaper pages, while the coffeemaker proceeds to hiss loudly, spray Cathrin with water, and finally turn itself off.
"This is odd" notices Cathrin and takes a step back from the counter. "It sounded angry."
"Maybe it doesn't like making coffee for us anymore."

"Don't be silly." Cathrin grabs her toast from the evil toaster oven. "OW! That thing just burned me!"
"I tried to warn you." June sighs. "People don't take me seriously. I am a very serious person. I don't know why people don't take me serious."
"Maybe it's because you say serious so much."

"People don't listen, so I will talk very clearly and slowly from now on. So people can understand me."
"Are you talking about me?"
"No."
"Yes you are!"
"I am talking about people."
"You are talking about me!"
"People are too paranoid."
"Ok, funny. I get it. You can stop."
"People should get a sense of humor."

Dawn

2011-10-24T18:50:00.000-07:00

"Stop sitting there

with your hands folded
looking on, doing nothing;

Get into action
and live this full
and glorious life.

Now.

You have to do it."

(Eileen Caddy, "The Dawn of Change" 1997)
(picture by René Mederos, "I Am Going to Study to Be a Teacher" 1971)

Call Me Master June

2011-10-24T14:59:00.000-07:00

J "The moment you have found the problem, you have also found its solution."
C "That's impossible. Or at least not very plausible. How could you find the solution so soon after finding the problem?"
J "I find it at the same time as the problem."
C "Ok, that's impossible."
J "It's very possible. They spring into existence at the same time as two parts of a whole. Problem and solution are one."

C "Ok, I see. Very nice. Knowing this you'd have to be a master problem solver."
J "Everyone is. Whether they know it or not."
C "Good, good."
J "Thanks for all your praise, I really wasn't asking for it."
C "So what about world hunger?"
J "What about it?"
C "That's a problem to solve. With your master problem solving skills."
J "You're really too kind. Call me Master June from now on."
C "That solution's taking a moment to spring into existence, huh? Lagging behind a bit, perhaps."
J "Not really, I say feed'em."

C"'Feed'em'? That's your solution to world hunger?"
J "Yea. The world is hungering? Let's feed it. Makes good sense."
C "I don't think hungering is a word."
J "Next problem! This is easy."
C "Ok, let's see..."
J "Make sure it's somehow politically charged. We want people arguing not debating! Get them riled up, get them jumping on their sofa cushions, maybe crying or loud wailing."
C "What people?"
J "Next you might want to go more controversial, say, aliens? Crop circles are starting to become a real problem."
C "Why would anyone get riled up for a nonexistent crop circle problem?"
J "I don't have the answers to all your questions, Cath."
C "This just stopped being a constructive conversation. In fact, I'm not sure it ever was one."
J "Farmers don't know what to do anymore, spaceships landing every which way, anywhere they please, on top of cows and horse drawn carriages and the little neighbor boy Jimmy-"

C "I don't think those exist anymore."
J "Cows? Are you kidding me? Have you looked out the window?"
C "I meant horse drawn carriages. And why would I see a cow outside our window? We live in the city."
J "His name was Jimmy and he lived in a canoe made entirely of pinewood. He rolled up little balls of yarn for a living, for the local cats."
C "You are unbelievable."

"His Holiness Dalai Lama

2011-10-22T22:22:00.000-07:00

was asked: What surprises you the most?

He replied:

'Man, because he sacrifices his health in order to make money.

Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.

And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then he dies having never really lived.'"

The Dream of the Butterfly

2011-10-21T22:51:00.000-07:00

(Derek Lin)

"It was a cool evening in ancient China. Chuang Tzu's friend went looking for him at the local inn. He found Chuang Tzu sitting at a table, sipping his drink in a contemplative mood.

"There you are!" Chuang Tzu's friend greeted him. "I thought by now you would be telling everybody another one of your stories. Why so quiet?"

"There is a question on my mind," said Chuang Tzu, "a question about existence."

"I see. Would you like me to leave you alone to your thoughts?"

"No, let me share it with you. Perhaps you can provide me with your perspective."

"My perspective is of little value, but I would be glad to listen." He pulled up a chair.

"I was out for a stroll late in the afternoon," said Chuang Tzu. "I went to one of my favorite spots under a tree. I sat there, thinking about the meaning of life. It was so warm and pleasant that I soon relaxed, dozed off, and drifted into a dream. In my dream, I found myself flying up above the field. I looked behind me and saw that I had wings. They were large and beautiful, and they fluttered rapidly. I had turned into a butterfly! It was such a feeling of freedom and joy, to be so carefree and fly around so lightly in any way I wished. Everything in this dream felt absolutely real in every way. Before long, I forgot that I was ever Chuang Tzu. I was simply the butterfly and nothing else."

"I've had dreams of flying myself, but never as a butterly," Chuang Tzu's friend said. "This dream sounds like a wonderful experience."

"It was, but like all things, it had to end sooner or later. Gradually, I woke up and realized that I was Chuang Tzu after all. This is what puzzles me."

"What is so puzzling about it? You had a nice dream, that's all there is to it."

"What if I am dreaming right now? This conversation I am having with you seems real in every way, but so did my dream. I thought I was Chuang Tzu who had a dream of being a butterfly. What if I am a butterfly who, at this very moment, is dreaming of being Chuang Tzu?"

"Well, I can tell you that you are actually Chuang Tzu, not a butterfly."

Chuang Tzu smiled: "You may simply be part of my dream, no more or less real than anything else. Thus, there is nothing you can do to help me identify the distinction between Chuang Tzu and the butterfly. This, my friend, is the essential question about the transformation of existence.""

Occupy for Change

2011-10-20T22:20:00.000-07:00

(Flavorwire)

That fly

2011-10-19T22:21:00.000-07:00

Bzzzz.

Bzzzzzz. Bzzz. Bzz.

"June, get rid of the fly."

"That's not my job."

"Just open a window or something."

"That fly isn't trying to sit on me so there is really nothing that could convince me to get up and deal with it."

Bzzzzzz.

"I can't read like this!"

Bzzzz. Bzzzz. Bzz-

WACK.

"I got it!"

"You killed the fly?"

"I said I got it. That means I killed it. No more fly."

"I think one of its legs is still moving. Kill it again, you didn't do it proper the first time."

"Stop it, I'm done with the fly. Let me read my paper."

"Cathrin, how can you be so cruel. This helpless fly is writhing in agony and you're just gonna watch it die a slow and painful death?"

"June, it's just a fly."

"You monster."

Bzzz.

Bzzzzzzzz.

"Where are all these flies coming from?!"

"They're performing a mercy killing. There, it's done. Finished your job for you."

"You're joking."

"Just ignore them, Cath. They've come to mourn their fallen comrade."

"They're FLIES."

"It's a fly wake. Don't you know anything?"

"Flies don't hold wakes! Have you ever been to a fly funeral?!"

"Well, I certainly have, but I also make sure to keep myself in good standing with the fly community."

"This must be a dream. Pinch me, June."

OW!

Thought Cycles

2011-10-19T22:19:00.000-07:00

"Thoughts are like boomerangs."

"So I've heard..."

"It's astonishing. This explains an intangible part of our lives that everyone deals with and no one ever thinks about."

"Which is what?"

"Thoughts!"

"No one ever thinks about thoughts?"

"Well, who does?"

"That's like saying no one is watering the watering can."

"I think it's an outrage. Unless you are a philosopher-"

" - or a bored roommate."

"... you are thinking all day long, but not once do you stop to think about what is is you are actually thinking about."

"I know a guy who doesn't even think about what he is thinking about thinking."

"You can make fun all you want, in the end your thoughts are boomerangs, bouncing right back to you."

"This explains why I have so much fun."

"The moment you think something bad about someone, it will go flying off and come back to hit you right when you weren't thinking about it and all of a sudden you can't stand to see yourself in the mirror and have no idea why."

"The problem here seems to be thinking. Maybe you should stop and let me do that from now on."

"Is the problem thinking too much or thinking too little?"

"I'd say both. Too much in regards to conversations such as this one, and too little in regards to what you will be making us for dinner tonight."

"So it's truly vicious thought cycles we seek to escape in exchange for a peaceful state of mind in which we can be a creative part of the Universe."

"There. You solved it. Next time think about talking."

"You mean, how our thoughts and words have effect on ourselves and others?"

"No, I mean, next time you are thinking about talking, just don't."